Growing up near Plimouth Plantation, the Thanksgiving myth was strong in my early life. I mean, we used to travel over an hour to go stare at an engraved rock for school field trips; that’s how deep it runs. Thanksgiving is a hard holiday for me because I want our kids to understand both the mythology behind the holiday and the realities I learned way too late in life.

We gained a lot of perspectives while living overseas. The holiday wasn’t as big a deal in Beijing as in America, where turkeys and Stove Top stuffing fight for space next to Halloween candy. We were able to take this time away from their typical American upbringing to introduce Thanksgiving as more of a fun family meal and an opportunity to delve into the truth behind historical mythologies.

Start With the Story

As with most mythology-centered events, we start with the story our kids are most likely to hear first. We frame it as “This is the story you will be told,” and then “Here is the reality as we know it.” I find it easier to separate things into stories and reality first, then listen to their questions, what details they missed, and where their mind takes them. I can go on any number of rants about these topics, so it’s important to follow their lead and try to hear how they perceive it before getting too complex.

Review Vocabulary

My oldest was four when he asked why we had never seen the Disney movie Pocahontas. Deep breath. Okay, it was time to talk about who gets to tell whose story and where many movies fall short. Shortly after that, he came home from school with an “Indian headdress.” This was back in the US, so I should have known, but I’d hoped his Montessori school was more progressive than that. I was very, very wrong. After another deep breath, we discussed why people call them Indians versus Native Americans versus indigenous people. Something must have clicked because when we got a new atlas and reviewed parts of the world, he wanted to know who the first people on those continents were.

What do You Want Thanksgiving to Mean?

From the beginning of our relationship, my husband and I were pretty clear that we like the concept of a big meal with friends and family, stressing that it’s our chosen family and not simply an obligation to travel back “home” and visit relatives. So whether we accepted someone’s invitation to their table or hosted our own, we always stressed to the kids how meaningful it is to have friends and be able to share your time with them. During our first year in Beijing, we were lucky enough to have a friend in Hong Kong come to stay for the weekend. That gave us the excuse to have two Thanksgivings!

I also appreciate Danielle Marie Holland’s perspective in her recent essay “My Family No Longer Celebrates Thanksgiving — We Learn Indigenous History Instead.”

Decolonize Your Bookshelf

One way I keep family traditions going no matter where we travel is that we have certain holiday-themed books that come out of the storage bins once a year. Halloween brings out our favorite board books, and Christmas and Chinese New Year have their own stories. Thanksgiving is a little trickier, and I prefer to read books written by indigenous authors, so there aren’t unknown micro-aggressions or stereotypes presented. Here is a quick sample of books that you can easily find as ebooks or in stores locally: Gracias the Thanksgiving Turkey by Joe Crowley; We Are Grateful/Otsaliheliga by  Traci Sorell (Cherokee) and Frané Lessac; and for older kids, 1621: A New Look at Thanksgiving by Catherine O’Neil Grace and Margaret M. Bruchac (Abenaki).

Focus on Gratitude

You don’t have to conquer all historical biases in one holiday, so take your time and let your kids’ natural curiosity lead your conversations. Most importantly, help children focus on gratitude and why they are grateful. I found a lot of cool free activities on the website Teachers Pay Teachers, including this quick paper bag gratitude scrapbook. We also made a Gratitude Tree with their friends right after Halloween to spark such conversations.

Even holidays with problematic origins can make for a great discussion with your family.

Discussion Points

• How history is written
• Who gets to write the history?
• What is history and what are stories, and where do they merge?
• Words have power: use the word “colonized” instead of “discovered.” etc

KEEP READING: Let’s Fact-Check “This is America, Charlie Brown: The Mayflower Voyagers”

Image Credits: Canva, Teachers Pay Teachers, National Geographic