image of child in distress, with mother comforting him and a therapist holding a notepad.
Cindy Marie Jenkins

How to (Try to) Prevent Your Kids From Seeing Violent Images

Given the attacks occurring in Israel and the Middle East, and threats of violent imagery being spread across social media, I asked my friend and parental controls expert Shelley Delayne to help families understand extra precautions to take and conversations around it. Soon, we’ll hear from Family Therapist and frequent OutThink Media Contributor Lauren Mazzarese on how to listen and help if your child does see these images.

How Violence Tricks the Platform Moderators

Platforms such as TikTok, Facebook, and others have a recent history of violent images sneaking past their moderators and being shared or seen before platforms can catch up to remove them.

“In 2021, parents and other users were outraged by a video that spread like wildfire on TikTok and other platforms,” Delayne told OutThink Media over email. That single video started with a singing girl and cut to a man being beheaded. The horrified reaction was justified: children can be legitimately traumatized by witnessing actual murder, even through a screen.”

After this 2021 incident, platforms like TikTok said these videos got through their content moderation by reuploading the violence into the video after the original nonviolent content was approved on the platform. (Read TikTok’s updated content moderation policies and how they identify and moderate hate and violent extremist content to learn the actions they will take before a video is uploaded.) Although these measures to mitigate our exposure to such images are good steps, I’m not sure if these new policies work after a video is uploaded and re-edited, and I could not find information to explain that at the time of this article being published.

However, Delayne points out that it is not just one video to be concerned about now. Families should know that “Explicit footage of war is being deliberately generated and distributed,” and she continues: “Whatever your regular parenting practice is around online content and social media for your kids, please be advised that there is an urgent need for parental supervision of devices.”

black and white definition of violence

Images Can Translate to Real-Life Violence

Besides the threat of more recent imagery being spread, terrorist groups and Neo-Nazis also use social media to spread calls for violence outside of the latest war zones. They call specifically for attacks on the Jewish community, and just last week, a 6-year-old Palestinian boy was stabbed to death in Illinois, with police directly tying his murder to anti-Palestinian cries on social media.

Many in these targeted communities have known for years that threats of violence and actual acts are rising, and every family concerned with their neighbor’s safety must be aware of how violent imagery connects to real-life actions.

Why Kids Might See What You Don’t: An Adult’s Algorithm Is Different

According to Delayne, “All platforms with user-uploaded content (TikTok, YouTube, X, Instagram, Snapchat, etc.) are currently at extreme risk for causing distress and trauma to minors. Systems cannot always prevent them from being added, and removal processes are overwhelmed.”

These videos may not show up in your feeds because, as an adult user, the algorithms treat you differently. You may have scrolled past some with a shudder and moved on. An adult brain can see a thumbnail or a freeze-frame of a video and understand what it likely contains and why you may not wish to flood your brain with scenes of graphic brutality.”

Children’s developing brains are more at risk because of the factors that Delayne outlines below:

No Filter Or Frame of Reference

Children and teens do not have as well-developed an internal filter as adults. They may have to stare at an image longer to figure out what they see. Even if they have an inkling that it will be bad, they cannot conceive how enormous cruelty can be nor predict what they will see. 

Curious & Impulsive

Kids are often curious to see things for themselves without understanding the lasting impact that seeing them may have. They are wired to assume that it must be okay to explore if they have access to something and have not been taught to avoid it. Kids learn by exploration. 

If your child or teen stumbles across such videos unprepared, it can shatter their sense of well-being and safety. 

We hope the platforms will quickly figure out a way to prevent the uploading and spread of such content. Meanwhile, now is a time for parental action to prevent exposure as much as possible. 

Delayne suggests the following ways to help your child understand why more supervision is necessary at this time, and how to help.

  • Know what your kids have access to.
  • Discuss with your kids what is happening. 
  • If you plan to resume allowing access when the highest risk has passed, let them know it’s temporary based on current events.
  • Empathize with the frustration of not having access to their usual sources of entertainment, and help them fill in the void with other things. 
  • Curated media platforms like Netflix, Disney+, Hulu, are safer at this time for video watching.
  • Use a tool like SafeVision to allow access to some YouTube channels without allowing unsafe content to be pushed to them. 
  • Use router controls or on-device limits to prevent access to the open web now, as that carries the same risk.
  • Or if the tools are too much to deal with today and your kid needs to look something up or do something online, sit with them to be their extra eyes and steer them away from this content. 

This is a lot, we know. And in the coming weeks, OutThink Media will work to help families figure out the best precautions to take together. For instance, a work-at-home parent like myself may need fewer controls than those who work outside of the home, and children with their own phones may need more supervision than those who share family devices.

But as Delayne cautions parents, “Prevention is a hassle, but processing trauma is often far worse.”

Check back here for advice on talking to your kids if and when they do see these images.

Shelley Delayne was the Chief Mom at Pinwheel, collaborating with organizations like the Digital Wellness Lab, child development experts, therapists, and educators. A major part of her job was sharing research with parents and helping to inform the product team direction.

She is a single mom to a ten-year-old daughter. She’s presented for South by Southwest, TedX and has been a guest on podcasts like Cyber Safe Teen, Healthy Screen Habits, and other parenting shows.

Prior to Pinwheel, she ran her own coworking space and startup incubator program and was a freelance designer and consultant.

Read more: Using Emotional Language to Have Tough Conversations

Photo/Image Credit: Shelley Delayne, Cindy Marie Jenkins, Canva

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