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The Perils of Writing About Your Kids: A.A. Milne, Christopher Robin, and Family Vloggers

Thursday was the birthday of A.A. Milne, the beautifully heartbreaking author of Winnie the Pooh. His inspiration for the cuddly pooh bear’s human friend Christopher Robin was Milne’s son, and their fallout because of the child’s unwanted fame, reminds me of our modern-day family bloggers and vloggers. Let’s use Milne’s birthday as an opportunity to explore how you can respectfully write about your family.

How Writing Winnie The Pooh Estranged Milne From His Son

In 1933, 12-year-old Christopher Robin was named the most famous child in the world by Parents Magazine. This is because that adorable child in yellow rainboots was based on Christopher Robin Milne, the author’s real child, who came to detest his unasked-for fame. 

Biographers tell how Milne introduced stuffed animals like Kanga into his son’s nursery to see how he and his mother played with them. Then, he used that playtime as inspiration to write more Pooh adventures. As his son grew up, he was unmercifully teased at school and never forgave his father for the notoriety he gained by publishing his childhood chronicles. It got so bad that Milne’s own biographer, Ann Thwaite, refused to write the book without permission from his son.

The younger Milne did eventually come to terms with his fame later in life, but the rift that the Pooh stories caused between himself and his parents lasted until their deaths.

Childhood is not the happiest time of one’s life, but only to a child is pure happiness possible.

A.A. Milne
a persn at their desk with two screens, editing a video

In 2020, Ryan Kaji’s YouTube channel became one of the Top 10 most subscribed YouTube channels in the United States, with over 33 million subscribers and 45 billion views. His career began at three years old when his two parents filmed him playing with toys/unboxing toys, and the trajectory has only skyrocketed from there. His manager even told an audience at VidCon 2023 that they are using Ryan’s years of archived videos to eternally produce his animated show.

I started paying attention to children on YouTube – specifically, children performing on their parent’s YouTube channels – once Ryan came onto our radar. As a writer who has always dabbled in the intersection of parenting and work, parenting and media, parenting and moving, to name just a few topics, I am highly sensitive to publishing photos and stories of minors online and often adjust my family’s policies as needed.

Every parent/guardian chooses their level of comfortability with what to post online, and we are focusing here on those who write and vlog about their family. Including our children in the conversation about what to post and not post helps them understand their comfort level before they are old enough to understand and offer consent.

screenshots of 3 videos on YouTube with titles like "The HORRORS of youtube family channels"

Children as Clickbait: When Does Family Writing or Vlogging Go Too Far?

Family vlogging channels are a complex problem on YouTube. I touched on this when applauding the state of Illinois for their new law that requires family vlogs to pay their kids when they appear in videos and when reporting on Ruby Franke, Mom from the immensely popular “8 Passengers” channel, getting arrested (and since pleading guilty to 4/6 counts of child abuse).

Here are just a few of the problems inherent in family vlogging.

  • How can the children consent? Multiple studies explain how minors don’t understand the impact of being online.
  • COPPA, or the Children’s Online Privacy Protection Rule, details how companies on the internet can or cannot collect data from children. Still, there are no regulations on collecting data from a minor who appears on an adult’s channel.
  • How would you like to see every poop you dropped, every tantrum you had, and every punishment you endured on the internet for all your friends to see? That is, if you have friends. An extreme example is how the eldest children in the Franke family – one of our more extreme examples of family vlogs gone awry – often told their parents they had no friends, citing their family’s channel (now removed by YouTube) as a cause.

I’m a Parenting Writer…..Can I Safely Write About My Kids?

Many parenting writers struggle with this conundrum, including myself. It’s a little easier now that my kids are older and understand the basics of internet safety, but I must stay flexible if they change their minds later.

image of Jaclyn Greenberg smiling, with brown curly hair and brown eyes.

I recently spoke with Jaclyn Greenberg, a parenting writer who highlights how to make spaces and activities accessible to children with disabilities. Although many of her articles stem from personal experience, she has turned to journalistic reporting, not just to respect her children’s rights, but also to turn their experiences into more universal themes and lessons. (Subscribe and listen to her full interview on our podcast this February.)

Prolific parenting writer Meg St-Esprit has adjusted as her children and audience grew, and also turned to reporting stories. Sometimes, a piece needs a more personal touch, however, and she takes certain precautions based on her family members’ individual comfort levels. St-Esprit explains:

image of Meg St-Esprit smiling at the camera.

When I do write essays that involve my kids, if it is a more serious topic I choose to be vague, like ‘one of my children has struggled with’ said issue, rather than being specific. I also write under my maiden name, which is still my legal name, and is not my kids’ last name. My kids have been in the media themselves, including Good Morning America, All Things Considered, and Inside Edition, using their names, so it is not as if no one knows their last name. I am not going for anonymity and my kids [in] general feel comfortable with press. But if they google themselves or someone else googles them, it creates some distance. All in all, I think it takes a lot of conversation and gauging what your kids are comfortable with. One of my kids is more private than the others, and that is fine with me. It is their choice, not mine.”

Different families have different perimeters, and I’ve often found inspiration on balancing being a parent with being a parenting writer from how my friends and colleagues manage it. For now, I may base stories on our experiences, but I also ask family members directly, particularly my children, if I want to go into detail. I’m not concerned with photos or stories from their earlier life, but I have set new guidelines now that they’re older, and like St. Esprit, because my readership is growing.

Milne didn’t have cautionary tales like the Franke family or colleagues with the same struggles as myself. I certainly don’t think we should cancel Milne because of these parenting mistakes; I’m sure his alienation from his son was difficult enough. He could have at least changed his kids’ name, but that’s all in hindsight. It’s not like he lived at a time with easy Google searches.

Still, family writers and vloggers can learn from his mistakes and the more recent fallouts of those vloggers who go too far. Since honesty is one of the most important aspects of my family life and allows us to keep the lines of communication around their online viewing habits open, my children deserve the same respect I’d expect, even more so because they are minors, who still are growing to understand their world.

Resources:

Read more: Primer: Teach Kids to Be YouTube Smart

Photo/Image Credit: Canva, Jaclyn Greenberg, Meg St-Esprit

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