As I sat in the movie theater vacillating between laughing and crying for 80 minutes, I realized how important it would be for my boys to watch Are You There God? It’s Me, Margaret by Judy Blume. The film starring Kathy Bates and Rachel McAdams is obviously a must-see for young girls. However, anyone with young men aged 7-11 can learn a lot from it, especially how *not* to act in middle school, and how to navigate peer and societal pressures.

Now that Netflix announced that this incredible film will premiere on streaming September 11, here’s a reminder on how to prepare yourself for the dialogues that will surely follow!

[Spoilers below]

Table of Contents

Dialogues: Puberty and Bodies

Menstruation/getting your period for the first time: I went on about this last year when we watched Turning Red, but it is only good and no harm for boys to know about a woman’s period. The movie actually does a good job of it – complete with a diagram – and here’s how a dialogue with boys could go:

Every month a woman’s body makes eggs in case she wants to have a baby. If the eggs aren’t fertilized to start growing a fetus within a few days, then her body must release them. The eggs and their protective lining break down, turn into blood, and leave her body through the vagina. It’s perfectly normal and just part of life.

Why did Nancy’s mother seem awkward when her daughter got her period but Margaret’s mother was excited? It’s fairly common, especially in the 1970s when this movie takes place, for women to be taught to be ashamed of their periods. It was often called “the curse” and not seen as a triumphant rite of passage but a burden for women to bear. Even though menstruation is necessary to create life (should you want to), women were told to hide it and never mention it.

Margaret’s mother, however, is part of the new kind of mom/parent (coming out of the 1960s) who wants their children to experience milestones with more joy and less shame than they endured. She had a bag of pads prepared for whenever Margaret got hers, and treated it as an exciting event, taking Margaret’s lead. We’re still working on that generational trauma, which is partly why this movie is coming out at the perfect time.

How should you treat a classmate who grows and develops faster than others? Some children grow faster than others, either in height, a woman’s chest, a boy’s voice, or body hair – any of these changes can go faster for a child than others in their class. Understand that they are likely very self-conscious about it already, and they cannot control how quickly or slowly their body grows. If others in your class make fun of them, especially more popular kids, the good choice is to tell those kids to stop and support your classmate who is growing faster. It might be hard to stand up to your friends but think about how you would feel if they were making fun of you for something out of your control.
Flat chests: Just like you shouldn’t make fun of people who develop, or go through puberty, earlier than their classmates, having a flat chest is also nothing to be ashamed of. It’s hard when your friends are developing faster, and it’s understandable that as a child you might want to hurry and grow up already. But your body will grow at its own pace and there’s no problem if you or your friend’s chest is flatter than others.

I’m a big proponent of rehearsing how your child can react to situations like this, and you might suggest ways they can brush off the subject and stand up for people who are mocked for their flatness. There’s also nothing wrong with acknowledging how it makes you feel before brushing the subject off, like: “Yeah, I’d love it if I wasn’t still flat, but I can’t really do much about it, can I?” (Cue the “We must! We must! We must increase our bust! scene)

What do they mean when they say that a character lets the boys “feel her up” in the back of a store? You can explain that kids are doing more grown-up things; in this case, touching the more developed girl’s breasts. Your child at this age will probably think this is gross, but it’s important to continue and get at least this part across: when grown-ups date, they may also touch each other’s private parts. It can feel good, and that’s why people do it, but that’s why it’s even more important that you know not to touch anyone’s private parts until you’re older, and even then, you must have their consent. Discuss it calmly and evenly; this is a part of life and the calmer you explain it, the better your chances that your kids will ask you next time and not turn to the internet or friends for their continuing sex ed.
Playing “2 minutes in the closet” at a party: Before tackling this, remember that a child, especially a boy aged 7-11, will very likely think it’s gross. That doesn’t mean they won’t be curious or pressured to participate. Here’s when you can calmly explain how you have the right to say no, you have the right not to kiss someone in that closet, and you can look out for any friend or classmate who doesn’t want to participate. More people in that room will wish they had your courage than will make fun of you. You can also explain how even though people will always make it look like they did more than they did, it’s highly likely that they’re exaggerating to look cool. You can always say no to the game or kiss someone’s cheek if it’s too hard to opt-out.

There’s also the opposite situation, where your child wants to participate. Again, it’s better to explain it plainly and without judgment. You can say that you think they’re too young, but also offer more innocent options if they do say they want to try it, like kissing on the cheek and asking the person in the closet what they want to do or are comfortable doing/not doing.

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