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Messenger Kids, Meta, and Moderation

UPDATE AUGUST 26, 2026: Meta will pay up to $17.1 Billion for intentionally exploiting kids on their purposefully addictive platform.

I’m getting this out a little late, but here is why we should take the latest Meta settlement news as the red flag needed to stop using Messenger Kids.

“Meta intentionally exploited kids for profit and then lied about it, claiming its products were safe when its own internal research confirmed the platforms were addictive and harmful,” said Attorney General Schwalb. “This is a monumental public health victory for young people in DC and across the country, and the safety features Meta is required to install will fundamentally and immediately change how young people use Instagram and Facebook. The physical, mental, and emotional harms that intentionally addictive social media platforms inflict on youth — and particularly teenage girls — are widespread across the tech industry, and this successful, coordinated multistate litigation has resulted in Meta being the first platform to come to the table and agree to such comprehensive reforms. It will not be the last.”

UPDATE JANUARY 16, 2026: With news of the site https://metasinternalresearch.org/ and the 31 internal Facebook studies showing the dangers their products pose to kids, it’s time to renew this old piece.

What’s changing on Meta? How do they track you and what does it mean for Messenger Kids? Here’s what you need to know–and why I suggest not using it anymore.

FEBRUARY 19, 2025 — I can’t remember the last time I posted on Facebook that didn’t feel painful. I no longer feel comfortable there in any way, nor vulnerable enough to post anything of interest personally.

What is Messenger Kids ?

When friends ask if we use Messenger Kids because they love it, I was always torn. After back and forth on how great the features are–and they are — I explain why I don’t want our children’s activity monitored by Meta.

Meta asserts that they “don’t use children’s data from Messenger Kids for advertising….we don’t sell any of your or your child’s information to anyone, and we never will.” This was last updated in 2021, and I just don’t trust them. I also can’t trust that this policy won’t be revoked at any time in the future.

We’ve known for more than a decade that Meta shares our account data with their “partners.” A 2023 Consumer Report shared how out of 709 volunteers, “on average, each participant in the study had their data sent to Facebook by 2,230 companies.”

We’re starting to see a number of laws regarding limitations on how companies can mine or use a minor’s data. I wouldn’t trust Meta to keep an eye on my child while I took a pee. So I certainly won’t give it access while my child is learning how to communicate with peers in real time.

Surveillance isn’t limited to when you are logged on to a Meta platform either. The data from this study investigated both server-to-server tracking (directly transmitted from a company to Meta servers), which is what most of us know about. They also reported on data that I’ve only recently fully understood: how Meta also tracks our activity across the web, even if there is no log in from Facebook or other such connection.

Here’s how to untangle your activity off Meta technologies.

Why do Parents Love Messenger Kids ?

Objectively, Messenger Kids has excellent parental controls:

  • Supervised Friending
  • Contact Management
  • Activity Monitoring
  • Sleep Mode
  • Data Management

You can see what the parent’s dashboard looks like here. Your child doesn’t need a Facebook account but Messenger Kids does need to be tied to an adult’s profile.

However, how can we believe any of Meta’s policies or privacy promises around the safety of our children?

So What’s the Problem with Meta?

Take your pick.

  • Whether it’s the fact that they aren’t using fact-checkers because it seemed bias (as opposed to one group being fact checked more often because, get this: maybe they lie more often.). Source
  • They also lifted the restriction on many terms that had not been allowed for discriminatory and harassment reasons, such as calling a trans person mentally unstable or a “freak.” Source
  • AI poses as real people on their profiles, even therapists, was already rolled out secretly a year ago, or was a mistake, depending on who you believe. Zuckerberg has stated that their plan is to overwhelm its users with an algorithm/marketing happy AI bot. Source
  • From their history, Meta has given us no reason to believe that we should trust them.

What Does that Mean for Messenger Kids and your family?

Think about the notes you passed in school (if you’re my age) or the DMs you’d get. It’s bad enough when your note used to get read out loud by a teacher.

Would you want those messages available for strangers to see, for data brokers or law enforcement to use? If you say anything even remotely violent against a person at our school, police will question your child. Who’s to say that the curiosities children express via Messenger Kids won’t be flagged?

Those privacy concerns, plus considering how they’re removing the limited safety measures they had in place for marginalized kids, makes Messenger Kids just a complete and loud “No” for me.

If you can’t find another messaging app that works for your family, here’s a good list of apps that might. Here are more messaging alternatives too, although I can’t yet vouch for these.

Instead of following us on Facebook, please join the Patreon here. There is a free tier and it’s where we will build this community to help families.

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